seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
