Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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