when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
