My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
