I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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