On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
