Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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