all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize