i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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