Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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