I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
