My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
