i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
