The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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