My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk is not a location!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
