The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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