Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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