mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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