I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
