hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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