I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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