Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
