So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
