I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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