I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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