But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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