You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
