She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
