last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
