her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize