She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is Oprah even human
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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