I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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