id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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