you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
