never play flip cup with pint glasses
you would pick up someone in the library
vagina is talking i cant
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
