it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
