her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
