I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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