i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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