I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
