party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
