rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
