The maid of honor just puked.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
