Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
