Apparently you make a good broom.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
