you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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