Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize