Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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