My friends, they love my intelligence
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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