so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
