Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
