God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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