im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
