I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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