carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
