Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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