Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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