That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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