I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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