i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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