im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
