Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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