if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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