bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
