i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
