Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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