I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize