You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
