i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
smell my finger.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
