Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
