Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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