hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
