If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
