Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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