saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
