I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
