Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
