This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize