dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
