Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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